07/30

I got a call back for a second interview!!! It's tomorrow. I'm surprised it's moving so quickly, I wonder if that's normal.

07/29

My interview went good today! I have to wait and see if they want to schedule a second interview with me now (boooo), but the woman who did this interview seemed to like me and my resume. How much of that is genuine and how much is just her job, who knows. But I have a... decent feeling? We'll see.

I finished the first route of The Hundred Line -Last Defense Academy- today, and I cannot stop thinking about this game, man. I feel like I'm 14 again and just discovering Dangan Ronpa LOL I was having so much fun gasping and gawking at the story. Unlike with Dangan Ronpa, I'm going into this game completely unspoilered, which I think made some of the twists even better.

07/28

Hey today was actually pretty GOOD!! My first Smart Doll came in, and I scheduled a job interview tomorrow :] I can already tell it isn't what I'd call a "dream job" but it is inside a hospital, which is where I would like to end up career-wise. Feeling incredibly nervous because I haven't had to look for a job in like six years, but a little anxiety can help. The idea of change is always nervewrecking, ay?

07/25

I refuse to let the constant stream of rejection emails get me down... I will get this damn job... eventually. My bills are begging me.

07/23

I had a widsom tooth pulled today... oughhhh. It's been a few hours so it doesn't hurt so bad now, but the existence of a hole in my gums keeps spooking me, and everything still kinda tastes like blood, lol.

07/22

Alright, future plans for pages on my site: BJD page when it comes in, crochet project log, sewing learning (maybe?), shrine page for NASCAR (maybe just my favorite drivers or specific races? I'm still on the fence on what I want to put in, but I don't want it to be TOO wordy), fix OC pages (I'm so creatively lazy atm). Another thing I've really been interested in is some kind of fashion page. I tried to run a Neocities for a fashion subculture once (hats off to you if you find it and notice it's me) but I fell out of it because of a variety of reasons, namely that it didn't feel right for me at the time. I don't really subscribe to any subculture anymore, at least not with fashion, but maybe if I get into altering/making my own clothes, it might naturally arise again.

07/20

Trying not to let myself get down about not finding a job in my preferred field yet, but man, is it hard. The job market is shit for everyone ever right now, though, not just me. That's a little bit of a morale boost. It's a system failure, not an individual one.

I really want to buy a Smart Doll, but I don't have the money to spare. Why must I only be interested in expensive hobbiessssuuughhhhh. Maybe I ought to cut down on my weekly comic pulls so I can save up for one... I bought my first BJD back in March, and I'm still waiting on it. It was a pre-order and a custom faceup, so I'm not mad that I'm still waiting. It should be coming soon.

07/18

You know, I've always told myself that I'm going to commit to learning Japanese, and I never have. I've also attempted to study Thai and Russian, but I've never really been successful past like a month or two. I think it's partially because I've already spent half my life learning Chinese, so I'm like "well I have so much of a vocabulary in this, I don't want to start from scratch somewhere else!", but I don't use Chinese in my daily life, nor do I really engage with much Chinese media, so I've lost a lot of my ability in it :(

I always have this issue with starting hobbies. I've wanted to learn how to draw for the longest time, but every time I start, I'm discouraged because I'm obviously an amateur at it, whereas with something like writing, I'm pretty adept at and can make some decent pieces. This also happened with knitting, as I can crochet fairly well, so trying to knit and failing at it twice discouraged me from doing it at all. I know the only way to get better at something is to just do it over and over, but it is that very "doing" that is difficult for me. I just have to get over this mental block.

07/11

I was reading an article written by a woman with a shopping addiction, and she was giving very run-of-the-mill advice on how she curbed her addiction and the tips you can use too, very harmless and normal stuff. If you've read one article like it, you've read them all, but I loaded it up anyway because I like reading personal bits like that. Anyway, I clicked on the woman's Substack profile and the very first thing I see is a post from her about some article titled "Summer Bags You Need On Your Radar!" and she's captioned her post "I NEED bag #6!"

... well, that's a little disengenuous, no? LOL. It's got me thinking about these writers who say they're either recovered shopping addicts or people who want to help readers save as much money as possible... and then half of their writing is locked behind a paywall. I know, I know, it's a gig economy and people need to earn a living somehow, but it's always such a bummer. Nothing else I really wanted to say here, just some thoughts because I've been looking into a lot of fashion-related content recently and by extension, a lot of financial content, too.

07/10

I got myself a nice purse for the first time as a reward for passing my exam, and it finally came in yesterday. I'm a little torn on keeping it. I like it, but it was so expensive that I'm on the fence about returning it because I'm like "well, if I spent so much money, I should like every single part of it!". I'm gonna give it a week and then see what I think.

Today I started going through things I own and sorting them into stuff I can give away, stuff I will sell, and stuff I will keep. I'm trying my best to only keep half of it, but I'm very attached to material objects for no reason, LOL. I've made a note to read some articles or books about attachment to objects or anything in that general sphere of thinking to help me motovate myself mentally into giving up things I just like to look at but don't actually need.

07/07

Job searching is such a humiliating ritual!! Typing and retyping the same paltry employment history that has nothing to do with the field I'm trying to work in only to be rejected... pain. It's only been a week, but I've already gotten 5 rejections so far. Could be worse, I guess. I guess they could just ignore me out right.

07/05

And yes, I DID change my layout AGAIN. This is why I don't keep up with the versions at the bottom anymore, okay? I do feel a sort of peace with this one, though. I like that all the site buttons are easily viewable. I don't like the weird 50px-ish legth white space at the bottom of them that causes them to scroll, though. I don't care enough to try and play around to fix it.

I spent too much money the other day because my dad wanted to go out to a couple places and now I'm paying the price ;_; No fun for me for a few weeks... I'm paying the price for buying myself an expensive bag as a present for passing my cert exam.

I considered doing an outfit-log type of page here, but I don't really dress up, and when I do, it's always the same outfits LMAO. Maybe like a wardrobe page would work better..?

07/04

Today is the day I get off my ass and put my Transformers collection page back up!!!

07/02

I've come to the conclusion that I'm a very uninteresting person, but that's nothing I'm particularly sad over. At least not right now.

07/01

I'm applying to jobs for the first time in like... almost a decade. I've kind of forgotten how I'm supposed to do this, lol.